Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Many of us who are missing loved ones have a difficult time with this day and the entire holiday season. It can be especially hard for people who have recently lost a loved one if this is the first holiday without them. Maybe you have lost your mother who used to have the family feast at her house, and now that is no longer possible. Deep pain can arise when someone you care about should be sitting at the table with you, but they are no longer there.
Every year at this time, I start thinking about when I was pregnant with my son and made Thanksgiving dinner for my family. I was so excited to be expecting a baby in a month from then, but had no idea that my life was about to be turned upside down. It was a naive state of bliss. From Thanksgiving through January, I have a difficult time, even though it has been almost twelve years. My son was born on December 15th and lived to January 6th. The entire holiday season was spent next to his bedside pleading to God for a miracle. I remember it like it was yesterday.
Over the years I have gotten pretty good at “faking it”, and going through the motions of the holidays. I rarely show how much my heart hurts to the outside world. Only a few family members even acknowledge the pain I am feeling, and many people who I thought were my friends never reach out unless provoked. It is a lonely feeling to be a bereaved parent. Sometimes I feel like people forgot my precious child, which makes me even sadder.
On Thanksgiving, I always light a guardian angel candle and tell my son how much I love him. I place it on the dinner table so he is included in the celebration. I know he is always with me, but I just wish I could hold him in my arms and never let go.
My hope for you, is that you find a way to make it through this holiday, and create a tradition to carry on in memory of your loved one. May your Thanksgiving be one of peace and remembrance. God bless you.
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