Time Changed My Perception
It has been nearly twelve years since my sweet baby boy Alex went from my arms to God’s arms. The photo above resembles the urn that we have of him. After he passed away, I found myself near his urn crying or holding it in utter despair. When my husband and I would go away overnight, I would pack it up and take it to my mother’s for safe keeping. I was very attached to his urn and of course, what was inside.
I wore a guardian angel pin with his birthstone every day. All of my shirts had little holes in them, but that was okay. It made me feel closer to my son. I also have a necklace that I bought right after he passed away and used to wear all the time. It’ s very special to me, but I have worn it every day for so long, I’m scared to lose it. I cherish it with everything I have. Lately, I haven’t worn it, though I still love it just as much as I always have.
I no longer wear the angel pin and I don’t take the urn to my mother’s house anymore. I have come to terms with the fact that he is with me no matter what I wear. Although these items bring me comfort and a connection with him, I still feel his presence when I don’t wear them. I must admit though, I still sleep with his little doggie stuffed animal that he had in the hospital. I feel so close to him when I hold it, because I know he touched it too…
My point is, do what makes you feel better. Wear any jewelry you want that reminds you of your loved one, but don’t feel like you are dishonoring them by taking it off. They love you and they know you love them. This is all a part of the healing process. It is a long, rough road, but there is also a place for peace. It just takes time….
True true words at first it felt like I was letting my daughter down by not crying every day or not looking at her urn everyday but although I cannot part with the necklace that has her DNA in it I’m ok to take it off for swimming/showering and know that she still knows I miss and love her so much